I
Young patrolman Dandy stood yawning on the corner of Fifth and Main. It was an unusually quiet night in Diamond City, on this unusually quiet beat that he had been working for the past several months. There wasn’t a drunk or a disturbance of any kind to be reported. He twirled the baton in his hand and covered his mouth to try and stifle another yawn. Just then he heard a set of footsteps behind him, he turned quickly.
“Relax, it’s just me.” Said his fellow patrolman, Dale Perkins, with a laugh. Perkins clicked on his flashlight and shined it into Dandy’s face.
“Don’t sneak up on me, Dale, I almost clubbed you good.” Dandy said, shaking his baton at his friend.
“How’d you get to be a cop? You’re so jumpy.” Replied Dale. Dandy rolled his eyes and was about to respond when he heard a crashing sound in the alley to his right. Swiftly, he turned his flashlight in the direction of the noise, lighting up the dark alley way. Coming at him was a tall, fat man, huffing for air as he ran.
“Outta the way!” Yelled the man, pushing violently past Dandy and Perkins, who fell to either side as he plowed through.
“Wow! What’s the big idea?” Cried Dandy, adjusting the police cap on his head. Then, another set of footsteps, quicker, more agile. Dandy turned his flashlight around and saw a man in a light brown trench coat and a white Panama hat running toward him.
“Move it, kid, Fatts is getting away.” He said in between deep breaths of air. The man in the hat pumped his arms furiously as he ran. He pushed passed Dandy and Perkins, just as the other man had done, as if they weren’t even there.
“Well, there goes a quiet night.” Said Dale, shaking his head. He motioned back to the squad car. The two men were out of sight, Dandy had lost track of them anyway, and didn’t know where they had gone.
“We better go after them.” He said. “Could be something serious, and anyway, beats standing around here.” He concluded. Dale nodded in response. The pair headed off in the direction Fatts and the man in the hat had gone and came to a fork in the road.
“Great, which way did they go?” Asked Dale, scratching his head. Dandy shrugged.
“You go left, I’ll go right.” He said.
“Sounds good to me.” Dale said, splitting off from his partner. The street that presented itself to Dandy was lined with dark, quiet buildings, and the young patrolman looked swiftly back and forth for any sign of the two men of which he was in pursuit. Then, out of the corner of his eye, he caught a glimpse of the trench coat flapping in the wind. Spinning hard to his left, he followed the movement that he had spotted, and saw that it led him toward the docks.
There, on the docks, sat an old warehouse, and it was into this building that the men had gone. Carefully, Dandy pressed the door open with one hand and, with his flashlight in the other, shined the beam around, illuminating small swaths of the area before him.
“Hey, who’s in here?” He demanded. “Show yourself!” Suddenly he shot the bright light up above him, toward the ceiling. There were heavy footsteps coming from above him. He looked around quickly and saw the old wooden staircase that led to the second floor. Taking a deep breath, he climbed them as fast as he could.
He got to the top of the stairs and flashed his light all around to see if he could locate the two men, but to no avail.
Just then, he heard a gunshot ring.
Dandy’s eyes flew open and he reached for his own gun hanging there at his side. He swallowed hard; he had never had to use his firearm before. He felt the weight of the weapon in his hand, it was awkward, not an extension of himself like it was meant to be. He looked down and saw he was shaking.
“Keep it together, Dandy.” He said to himself, letting out a deep breath.
He rounded the corner and saw Fatts standing there, looking around from side to side. Then, as if he knew he was about to be pounced upon, the fat man turned around and opened a window. Sticking his head out, he looked down to see the river beneath him.
“Gotta get out of here.” Fatts said to himself. Taking a deep breath, he jumped out of the window, plunging into the water beneath him with a loud splash. Dandy ran over to the window and pointed both flashlight and gun at the water, but to no avail, as he saw nothing. Fatts had disappeared.
“I can’t believe he got away. I had him.” Said a voice behind Dandy. The patrolman swung around and saw the image of the man in the white hat standing behind him.
“You almost scared me to death.” Said Dandy, lowering his weapon. Strangely, the man before him did nothing to shield his eyes.
Before the man could say anything, Dandy let out a gasp. For, as he pointed his beam toward the floor, he hit upon a pool of blood.
“We got somebody down over here.” He cried. He snaked the beam up toward the man’s face.
Laying there, a whole in his chest and blood pooled beneath him, was the man in the white hat.
This, of course, confused both Dandy and the man in the hat.
Then the man spoke.
“Aw, crap,” he said, hanging his head. “I’m dead.”
II
Dandy looked from the body on the floor to the man floating in air, then back again. He began to shake slightly.
“You—but you’re…I mean, you’re…” Dandy stammered.
“Yeah, I’m dead.” Said the man in the white hate. All of his body was white now, it was just like in the comics, white as a sheet.
“That’s impossible, that would mean that you’re a ghost. And there’s no such thing as ghosts.” Concluded Dandy. He could feel a bead of sweat rolling down his naked upper lip. The man in the hat let out a chuckle.
“Yeah, I’d have said the same thing once.” Suddenly he grew serious. “This is not what I expected, I can’t believe that Fatts killed me. Fatts, of all people. Now I’m dead. Dead dead.” He emphasized his final words by drawing a finger across his throat.
Dandy fumbled around in the dark and grasped an old wooden crate, and, feeling his legs failing him, took a seat.
“Listen, I know this is an awful lot to take in, kid,” said the man in the hat, “but we have to stop Fatts.”
“We?” Echoed Dandy. “I don’t even know who you are.
“Oh yeah, how rude. Name’s Steele. Sam Steele.” Steele began to stick his hand in the pocket of his coat, then recoiled. “Dead. Can’t smoke anymore.” He said with a shrug.
“Sam Steele. Right.”
“What’s your name, kid?” Asked Steele.
“John Dandy.”
“Nice to meet you, Dandy, you’re on the case.” Dandy waved his hands out in front of him.
“I don’t want to be on any case, you’re a Ghost! For all I know, I myself have been shot and am hallucinating all of this right before I die.” Dandy said, pointing frantically to himself.
“Listen, I’d love not to be dead,” said Steele, “but I am. However, that’s not going to stop me from stopping Fatts and solving this last case.”
“Case?” Asked Dandy, leaning in toward the ghost before him.
“Fatts is a jewel thief, two-bit, at that. But lately he’s been getting more adventurous. He stole a nice red Ruby from Professor Peculiar.”
“Who the hell is Professor Peculiar?” Asked Dandy.
“You must be new around here.” Said Steele with a laugh. “Professor Peculiar is a wizard, a Magician, or at least he says.”
“Oh, please. Ghosts, magicians, what are you going to tell me next? Vampires? Werewolves?” Dandy scoffed.
“Well, I’ve seen a little of this and a little of that. But Professor Peculiar seems to be one of the weirdos on my side.”
“Wait, wait, wait,” began Dandy, “What’s all this have to do with the ruby and your case?”
“Well, Peculiar just so happened to have a demon encased in that ruby.”
“A demon?!” Cried Dandy.
“Look, it’s a long story, and he’s getting away, I’ll tell you on the way.” Said Steele impatiently.
“On the way to where? He jumped out and swam, who knows where he could have gone.”
“Oh, he’s got a couple of hideouts all over Diamond City. He’s bound to be at one of those. Now we gotta go corner that fat rat.”
“There you go again with that ‘we’ stuff.” Said Dandy, shaking his head.
“Whether you like it or not, you’re part of this now, kid. That is, unless you want a demon on the loose.”
“Well, I certainly don’t want that to happen. But how can what you say be true? I don’t believe in a word of it.”
“You didn’t believe in ghosts until just now, did you?” Steele asked. Dandy went to respond but could not find a flaw in the logic that had presented to him.
“Well, where do we start?” Asked Dandy, resigning himself to the hand that fate had dealt him.
“That fat rat does have a little shack that he hides in every now and then, down by the waterfront. That’s not too far from here. C’mon, I’ll show you the way.” Without another word, Steele floated his way through the nearest wall. Dandy stood there, shocked by what he had seen, and by the fact that the old detective had left him behind. Just then, Steele’s head popped right back through the wall.
“Sorry about that, kid, I forgot we’re not all dead. I’ll meet you at the front entrance.” Dandy looked down at the body on the floor.
“What about…” he pointed to the corpse.
“Oh, that? We’ll come back for that, time is of the essence, and not even death can stop Sam Steele.” With this, Steele disappeared once again, leaving Dandy to run down the steps, and out the way he had come in.
III
The old, abandoned building sat down by the calm waterfront. There were boards nailed to the window, but when Dandy tried the handle, the door was unlocked.
“Should I just go in?” Dandy asked Steele, who looked at him for a moment.
“Well, draw your gun, first, rookie.” He responded. Dandy shook his head.
“Sorry, I’ve never dealt with a criminal who could summon a demon.” He said dryly. Steele just looked at him wryly in return.
“Open up, it’s the police.” Cried Dandy after grabbing the weapon from his side. He gripped the handle of his gun tightly with one hand and his flashlight with the other. Using his shoulder, he nudged the door open quickly. He swept the room swiftly from side to side with the beam of light. Then, hearing a noise behind him, he spun around as fast as he could. There, with a plank of wood raised above his head, was Fatts. The fat man let out a terrible cry and brough the plank of wood down toward Dandy’s head. However, the young patrolman was able to sidestep the blow with amazing agility.
“I’ll take care of you just like I took care of Steele.” Fatts cried violently. Before Fatts could connect the upswing with his wooden weapon, Dandy whipped his pistol at the fat man, connecting with his temple. Fatts whirled back in pain, grasping at his head. He staggered back and fell hard toward the wall.
Groggy with pain, Fatts lurched back toward the patrol man, grasping at him, his arms wide. He looked like a bear coming at the young patrolman. Dandy backed away and raised his gun.
“Don’t come any further.” Dandy warned. But this did not stop the lumbering hulk from coming in his direction.
Dandy steadied his hand, licked his lip, and fired.
A loud thud permeated the room as Fatts fell to the ground.
“Wow, you plugged him.” Said Steele.
“He didn’t give me much choice; did you see how big he was?” Then, without much warning, Fatts began to stir on the floor.
“Looks like you missed.” Said Steele.
“Missed,” began Dandy, “I’m at point blank range.” Fatts sat up and rubbed his chest.
“Hey, I’m alive, but…how?” Then a look of terror crept across his face. “You idiot, you must have hit the—” but before Fatts could finish his sentence, he was engulfed by a cloud of red smoke. He began to scream, but then the noise grew muffled.
“This…this is not good.” Said Steele.
“What’s going on?” cried Dandy, backing away from the cloud of smoke that continued to grow in front of him.
“I think you shot the ruby; he must have been keeping it in his jacket pocket.”
“What?” demanded Dandy. “The odds of that are pretty hard to believe.”
“And yet…” Steele gestured toward the red smoke.
The some began to clear, and standing there, over the unconscious body of Fatts, was a big, red, shaggy beast. Hunched with cloven feet and horns, the beast snorted.
“Again,” said Steele, “aw, crap.”
IV
The demon stood up straight, arched its back, and let out a roar. It looked around the room, eyes aglow with rage, and charged Dandy. The young Patrolman’s eyes shot open, and he let out a howl of fear. With a quick jerk to the right, he dove behind an old wooden crate, narrowly avoiding contact with the hairy red beast. He landed on the floor with a thud. Dandy rubbed his side and looked back up in the direction of the creature.
“You better get up, kid.” Said Steele, floating above the patrolman. Dandy scrambled to his feet and ran toward the door. However, as he was looking over his shoulder to see just where the beast was, he tripped over the prone body of Fatts.
“Damn!” He yelled. As he hit the floor once more. Suddenly he heard the trotting of the cloven feet.
“You gotta get out of here,” began Steele, “this thing is going to tear you to pieces.” The ghost detective barely had enough time to spit out his phrase before the beast was upon Dandy. There he stood, snarling, drooling, its hot breath beating down on Dandy’s face.
“Hey, c’mon, over here.” Yelled Steele, trying to gain the attention of the monster.
Suddenly, there came a pounding at the door.
“Oh, what now?” asked Dandy, rolling over on his stomach and looking up at the pulsating door. The door flung open and there, standing in the doorway, was a man with a flowing red cape and a puffy blue long sleeve shirt and leopard print gloves.
“Well, Steele, you’ve really got yourself in a pickle this time, haven’t you?” The man looked down, “and who’s this?” He asked, pointing toward Dandy.
“Professor Peculiar, aren’t you a sight for sore eyes.” Proclaimed Steele. Peculiar whisked his cape to the left, mumbled some words, and flicked his hand up in the air. All of the sudden, Dandy was engulfed in a white light and, before he could even blink, was floating in the air.
“Wha—” he flew out the door and landed on the dirt with a smack. “Ow, can I please stop falling everywhere?” Dandy asked, raising to one knee and dusting himself off.
Inside the old shack with the demon, lights began to flash.
“What the hell is going on in there?” asked Dandy. He crept up to the window and looked inside. There, Peculiar stood in the center of the room, illuminated by a bright multicolored light.
“Ditko, Romita, Kirby!” yelled the magician. A beam of light flew from the stone he held in his hand. The demon, the target of the attack, dodged to the side, and the bright, multicolored beam, missed, hitting and decimating an old wooden crate.
“Oh, Hell.” Said Peculiar as the demon charged him. With a savage swing of his paw, he knocked Peculiar to one side, and he landed on the floor, unconscious. The stone he had been holding flew through the air in an arc and landed right on top of Fatts’ stomach.
Dandy saw it land.
So did the demon.
They both made a mad dash for the gem.
V
The demon snarled, flecks of spittle flying from its mouth. Dandy, terrified, could not believe he was rushing toward the beast. The demon, half a step behind the patrolman, could not reach the stone in time, and Dandy wrapped his fist around it.
“Aha!” Dandy cried. After this shout of victory, he felt himself flying through the air. The demon had shoved him hard. Dandy landed loudly on the floor. The demon was upon him now before he knew it. The beast was saying something, but it spoke in a tongue that Dandy had never heard. Whatever it was, it was ancient and aggressive.
“I don’t suppose we can still be friends?” Asked Dandy with a weak grin. Then, suddenly remembering the stone in his hand, he thrust the small, smooth object out in front of him. He froze. “What were those words the wizard had spoken?” He asked, desperately grasping for them in the air.
The demon slowly approached. It seemed to be smiling, if such a thing was possible for a creature like this.
“Ditchman, Romba, Kirschner!” Dandy yelled. Nothing happened. The demon grew closer.
“What were those words?” He asked frantically. “Dinkly, Rombert, Kirian!” Again, nothing happened as the hairy beast grew closer. Sensing the end was nearer than he would have liked, Dandy shut his eyes tight and searched his memory.
“Ditko, Romita, Kirby!” He squeezed the words out of his memory. A bright light shot from the inside of the stone and encapsulated the demon before him. The beast strained, trying to move, but was completely immobilized. Its eyes grew angry, they looked as though, given half the chance, the demon would skin Dandy alive.
Then there came a whooshing sound and the demon was drawn toward the gem in Dandy’s hand. The stone began to shine so brightly that Dandy had to cover his eyes. There was a great gust of wind and then: silence.
Dandy opened his eyes and looked around. The demon was gone. He looked down to the stone in his hand. There, frozen, was the miniature version of the beast, unable to move, as if trapped in ice. Dandy let out a long sigh of relief.
“I can’t believe that actually worked.” He said, standing up off the ground.
“Wow, good work, kid.” Dandy glanced up and saw Steele and Peculiar standing there, looking at him.
“I sense this one has great things ahead of him.” Said Peculiar, stroking his dark goatee.
“Oh, I just want a normal life.” Dandy said, dusting himself off.
“Destiny cannot be escaped, my young friend.” Replied the wizard.
“That’s very cryptic.” Dandy said, raising an eyebrow.
“He’s like that.” Said Steele with a laugh.
“Hey, what the heck is going on here?” Fatts had regained consciousness and was propping himself up on his elbow.
“You’re in a lot of trouble, tubby.” Said Steele, floating toward the man on the floor.
“A g-g-ghost!” Cried Fatts. And with that, he fainted once again.
VI
“Alright, are you ready?” Asked Professor Peculiar. Steele nodded his head.
“Am I ready to be alive again?” the detective rolled his eyes.
“You mean you can really do it?” Asked Dandy.
“I can do all sorts of things you would never imagine.” Said the Professor with a smirk. Now back at the old warehouse, Peculiar knelt by the body of the Detective. He spoke an incantation, Dandy couldn’t keep up with it, only he caught the last word.
“INFANTINO!” with a grand clap that sounded like thunder, the ghost of the detective was sucked back into its original body. For a moment, nothing happened. Then, violently, the Detective sat up.
“Wow!” He cried. He felt around his body with his left hand. “The bullet hole is gone. Helluva job, Prof.” He said with a grin. Steele stood up and dusted himself off. The three men turned to leave, and Dandy saw something out of the corner of his eye.
“Hold on, you almost forgot this.” Dandy said, bending over to pick up the white Panama hat that had flown off the detective’s head. He handed it to Steele. But the detective waved him off.
“You keep it kid, I think it would look good on you.” Dandy stared down at the white hat in his hand. He could feel that maybe, just maybe, this was the beginning of something.
Hot Cakes Comics 